Thoughts on Friendship: A time to walk away?

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It was easy back in high school. I saw my friends every day; there was no effort required. But as I've grown, things have changed.

Now, I have friends from many different areas of my life. I have friends whom I've known for varying lengths of time. I'm married and many of them are married as well. We work and live in increasingly different areas (and not just geographically speaking). We lead busy lives. Yes, things have changed.

Sometimes I wonder about some of these friendships. I send emails; I phone and leave messages on voice-mail. I wonder how much effort can one side put in while continuing to receive no (or little) in return?

I have different kinds of friendships. I have some friends whom I see a couple times per year. They are good friends. We get together; we catch-up on each other's lives since last we talked; we reminisce about times in the past; we have a good time. I have other friends whom I see on a regular basis; we have a very active and current friendship; we share our thoughts and our day-to-day experiences. I have yet other friends whom I seldom, if ever, see. The basis of these friendships, unlike the two above kinds, is squarely in the past. They are not any less my friends because of this. No, it is just the nature of our friendship.

Friendships are dynamic - they change. It can be a difficult thing to re-evaluate the state of a friendship and begin to consider whether or not it is/has transitioned from a current or active friendship into one which has for its basis the past. At what point does this change have to be recognized? I see them less and less with each passing year; I find myself less eager to make the effort to get together. No, not really less eager; I think it's that I find myself less convinced that they will reciprocate the effort. Should I have to chase friends down? Should I have to always initiate the contact and repeatedly push them to be my friend (in an active sense)? I wonder, is there a time to walk away?

It's not a matter of caring about them any less. I think it is more about making a decision to either be intentional about the friendship or to be passive and let the basis for the relationship reside in the past. But at what point do I walk away? That's the difficult question to answer.

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