Relationships: for love or power?

I recently came across these words of 'advice':

"The power in a relationship always resides with the one who cares the least."

I was blindsided, lost for words. Years ago these could have easily been words of advice coming from my mouth. In fact, this was a concept that I had conceived of and assumed was original to me. It had occurred to me at some point that if I was always ready to walk away from a relationship at a moments notice, then I would always hold the upper-hand. If the other person cared more, had more invested, then I had the power.

Of course I was fooling myself: in one sense, yes, I held the power, but in another very real sense I had made myself a prisoner. By purposefully not caring - which was simply a defense mechanism for a scared little boy not wanting to open up and get hurt - the decision was already made and my heart was not allowed to open up and discover love. Fortunately things eventually changed and yes, love was found.

After I recovered from the shock of coming face to face with a relic of my past, I realized what a horrible statement that actually was - devoid of all things good and beautiful. What kind of relationship would such an attitude foster? I thought about my relationship with my wife and realized that I have no desire to have any such power over her. It's an amazing thing to view such power-based understandings of relationships in light of love. In the pure light of love all the games and power maneuvers are revealed for the frauds that they are. Love does not coerce: love is gentle, patient, and kind. It asks for nothing but love in return.

Looking back on that pompous, scared little boy who thought he knew about relationships, I can only laugh to myself and thank God that love found a way. Relationships are better when they aren't zero-sum. When love, humility, and vulnerability are part of the equation, the relationship becomes so much more than it otherwise could.

Maybe the power lies with the one that cares the least, but if you don't care... what's the point? Plus, why be in it for power when there's an infinitely better prize to be discovered?