I experienced an emotion yesterday that I am not very familiar with: pride. Maybe its the residual vestiges of my Evangelical Christian training, maybe it's something else; whatever it is, I find that pride in something I've done is a foreign thing to me. Sure, I find pride in its other, more insidious, forms creeping up in my heart from time to time: self-righteousness and condemnation of others, etc. But I don't often feel much pride in my accomplishments.
Many Evangelical Christians will rail against the evils of pride. The Scriptures also speak against pride; but I find the difference to be that in the Scriptures the pride that is being censured is more akin to arrogance or haughtiness of the kind that puts others down in an attempt to raise oneself up. It is not the nebulous 'pride' that results in false humility, the kind that does not allow for congratulations or the acceptance of compliments, even when justified.
I think that perhaps I have suffered from the Evangelical approach to pride. It seems to me that I have failed to accept congratulations and praise even when deserved. I have failed to pat myself on the back from time to time and say, 'good job Tyler'. Of course, there is still the danger of the 'bad pride' creeping in; but I see this as more of a danger in my relationships with others and how I treat them rather in how I treat myself. Likely, the 'bad pride' stems from low self-esteem and self-worth, not from proper recognition of one's accomplishments.
Yesterday I received a paper back from a professor of mine and found myself with a foreign emotion upon reading through it. The paper was for my 'Advanced Greek Readings' course last spring and was titled "Lost in Translation?: An exploration into the LXX as a translation with specific focus on lexicological, syntactical and exegetical issues in Genesis 2.4-3.6". My professor had thoroughly engaged with my paper and there were prolific notes, comments, and suggestions filling the margins throughout. But on the last page he had written:
Thanks Tyler,
This represents a good piece of wrestling with the primary data, that any supervisor would be proud of.
A+
You know what? It felt damn good to read that comment. I worked hard on that paper. The whole time I felt like I was in over my head and in an area in which I was an amateur. It wasn't so much the grade that felt good (although it did); it was the sense of accomplishment and his recognition of my efforts. He didn't tell me that I had written a magnus opus of phenomenal proportions; he simply recognized the work I put in. I was tempted to feel bad about my pride, but then I made a conscious effort not to. I have no reason to feel guilty: if my professor gives me a complement, I'm going to accept it graciously and feel good about it. I've never felt this proud about a paper in my six years of studies; I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts.
I think that if someone deserves a compliment, I ought to give it to them. Likewise, if someone feels that I deserve a compliment, and gives me one, I ought to take them seriously and accept it. Just as I can feel pride in the accomplishments of those people in my life about whom I care, I can justifiably feel pride in my own accomplishments... without shame or fear. I'm going to work on that.
I ought to avoid false pride; I also ought to avoid false humility. Both are equally false. Is pride bad... not necessarily.
Stick it on the fridge!! Good stuff, Tyler.
ReplyDeleteGlad to here that you finally got that paper back!
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