Thursday, April 29, 2010

Relationships: the stuff of life...

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The longer I live, the more I’m convinced that life is essentially comprised of love. No, this is not another blog post in which I wax poetic about love and its immeasurable grandeur. Well, not exactly. This is a blog post about love in its more practical, measurable form: relationships. When on is young, relationships are often simply a given, a tacit part of day to day life. When one gets a little older - when one has developed existing relationships, established new ones, and experienced the ending of old ones - the importance of relationships in life begins to become more apparent.

Science tells us that our world is comprised of atoms, various sub-atomic particles (neutrons, protons, electrons), quarks, and possibly even strings (the jury is still out on this last one). Certain evolutionary theories tell us that all life is directed towards the goal of survival and procreation. Economists will tell us that it is money that makes the world go round. From a particular, narrow perspective these may all be true to varying extents; but at the ground level of everyday life, it seems to me, relationships are building blocks of our lives, the direction towards which we all strive, and (simultaneously) both the impetus and consummation of our hopes and dreams. Relationships are that which give us meaning and purpose. I believe this is a reality that we (in our modern, individualistic society) often forget, neglect, and even at times abuse. It is something of which that we need to constantly remind ourselves.

Recently I was listening to an interview with Jeremy Rifken regarding his new book, The Empathic Civilization. It was a very interesting conversation in which he was explaining his approach to history from the perspective of human empathy (particularly its historical link with technological advancement in the areas of energy and communication). In defending his interpretation of humanity from the perspective of empathy he provides what he calls the “deathbed test”:

He argues, “If we really want to know what human nature is about, the best way is to start from the end and go back to the beginning – that is, on the deathbed, nobody looks back on their life and says, ‘jee, the moments that counted is when I felt I was an island to myself, I pursued my self interest, I collected some more wealth, I was able to be calculating, rational, detached, or I had a special moment where I received pleasure over pain, or I felt very good about my utilitarian desires or extinguishing my sexual libido; that’s not it. When we’re old and look back, the actual moments that count, are the moments where we were able to transcend ourselves and actually connect with another, another human or another being , in an emphathic way; so that we could feel that beyond ourselves we are part of the mystery of life, and that we are actually engaged in another’s struggle to be and flourish. Those are the moments that we look back on. Those are the moments that are etched in our memory. That’s amazing.”

Yes, it is indeed an amazing thing.

Even on a day-to-day basis, I find that it is the relationships that give value to our lives. The simply laughs with co-workers, the struggles and hardships shared with friends and family, playing with nieces or nephews, having coffee and conversation with an acquaintance, hearing peoples stories, telling people your story, even the comical interactions with strangers – these are what fill our days, these are what give substance to our hours. Every day, my dear wife and I give each other a recap of our day. I enjoy to go for walks and watch the clouds up in the sky; I enjoy reading and studying and learning; I even enjoy preparing dinner and listening to the radio before my wife gets home from work - I truly enjoy these actions of my day. But near the completion of each day, I find that these actions and experiences are made richer by sharing them with my wife as I tell her what I learned and what I did that day. A sunset is good and beautiful, but it is even more beautiful when watched with good company. A book is even richer when discussed with a friend. Life would be dull and, well, lifeless without others to share it with.

This is the Christian confession. Within the shared life of the Trinitarian God whom we worship, we find that relationships (communion) are indeed at the very centre of existence. I think I’ll save this tangent for another time and another blog post; but I will again state that relationships are the stuff of life.

What is life made up of? Why, it’s made up of relationships. Don’t forget that important truth. Don’t neglect to cherish and enjoy the ‘stuff of life’.

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