Understanding Gravitas: thoughts on growing-up...

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I recently heard an acquaintance of mine boldly state, "I'm never going to grow up". This is by no means a rare statement to hear. I've heard many people I know make this statement with equal boldness. Almost every time I hear it I think to myself, "Really? You don't want to grow up... ever?". I can understand wishing to delay the responsibilities of adulthood and enjoy the lightheartedness of youth for just 'a little while longer'; this makes sense to me (or at least it made sense to me when I was just such a youth). But never wanting to grow up... this doesn't make much sense to me.

I recently came across a word in my Latin studies that helps clarify the issue: gravitas. The simplest translational gloss for gravitas is 'weight'. This is where we English speakers get our word, 'gravity'. But, as anyone who studies language, especially the translation of language, understands, word definitions are never quite that simple. Bear with me here...

Gravitas, in a negative sense, can denote heaviness, slowness, or severity. With respect to the human body, it can carry the sense of (again) heaviness and severity, but also oppressiveness, dullness, burden, or sickness.

Gravitas, in a positive sense, can denote gravity/importance, seriousness, and dignity. When understood in the context of the human life cycle, gravitas can be understood the age of 'maturity' (that stage of adulthood between adolescence/youth and old age).

It seems to me that when people are discussing this idea of 'growing up', they likely have one of the two senses of gravitas in mind. What I mean by this is that when one states, "I'll never grow up", they likely mean something along the lines of, "I have no desire to grow old, dull, and burdened". Conversely, when I state (with equal boldness) that my desire is to be a grown up, I reference the positive sense of gravitas and affirm my desire to fully participate in that part of the human life cycle which denotes maturity, gravity, and dignity.

Do I wish to be grown up? Yes, certainly. For it is only in the maturity of adulthood that I am able to enjoy what life has for me. When I was a child my concerns were of a different nature, my pleasures were of a different nature. Childhood is a natural and good stage of life: the world is new and exciting, it is a carefree and magical time (or at least it ought to be). It is fun. But it cannot last. To wish to be a child forever is to deny what is an essential part of childhood: growth. Sorry Peter, there's a reason they call it never-land.

What about adolescence/youth? Would you not wish to remain in that stage if you could...? No, most certainly not! Yes, I had fun (perhaps a little too much at times), but it is not meant to last. Think about it... what are some of the best aspects of adolescence? Hmmm... essentially the discoveries of adult life: increased freedoms, the ability to work and earn money, discovering the other sex. What made adolescence of any value was precisely the gradual taking on of adult responsibilities (and the benefits that accompany them). But none of these benefits find their completion in this stage. Only in adulthood, i.e. in the acquisition of maturity and responsibility, can we find any sense of completion or wholeness in all these pleasures of life. Only in a monogamous life-long bond (a.k.a. marriage) can I find fulfillment in 'knowing' the other sex. Only in building a life and learning to responsibly manage and share what I've earned can I find any fulfillment in work and pay. Only in learning the proper boundaries of my freedom can I fully enjoy and prosper in that freedom. To be stuck in adolescence/youth is to be trapped with the goal in view while never quite reaching it.

Many have the view that 'growing up' necessarily entails giving up the best of what came before: fun, freedom, wonder. I don't think that it necessitates such a sacrifice. It seems to me that the loss of these is a different issue than that of growing up. Let's not confuse the two.

My point, in all of this, is that the full embrace of life requires that one also embrace the gravitas which it brings. I argue that how one chooses to understand this gravitas (whether or not they embrace the maturity of adulthood and all that comes with it) will dictate the extent to which they are able to embrace life.

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