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Do not judge so that you will not be judged. For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? (Matthew 7.1-3)
It has been said that though we like to be judged by our intentions we often judge others by the results of their actions… I’ve been thinking about this sentiment recently, and I think that too often it is true. In a way, though, it makes perfect sense. Think about it. I can’t see another person’s intent; I can only see their actions and the results of them. It takes more time and effort to consider that there was an intent behind the actions, possibly one which might have little in common with the subsequent result. I would certainly appreciate others taking the time and making the effort to consider my possible intentions prior to their judging me based on the results of my actions.
There is another common tendency that I have often noticed in how people go about judging others. When drawing the lines regarding what is acceptable behaviour and what is not, often I see people arbitrarily drawing that line just beyond where they stand. This is to say, that their default measure of judgment, not surprisingly, tends to place them within the acceptable bounds, while others can easily fall on the other side of the line. I’m sure we’ve all taken this approach at one time or another (I know that I have): “Well, I may do this, but at least I don’t do that… that is inexcusable”. Meanwhile it is entirely possible that someone else is thinking that exact thing about me and my actions.
Jesus (as we see in the above passage) is not merely giving the command to avoid judging others; moreover, He is asking us to consider what is involved in judging. We are to consider ourselves and our own actions as much as we consider the actions of others, which we will inevitably do at some point or other. Each time I am tempted to judge another, Jesus’ words draw me into considering my own actions, my own motivations and intentions, as well as the different measure which I use for others and myself. In the parallel Lukan account, we find Jesus’ teaching further explained (for those of us who are a little slow at connecting the dots):
Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Do not judge, and you will not be judged; and do not condemn, and you will not be condemned; pardon, and you will be pardoned. Give, and it will be given to you… For by your standard of measure it will be measured to you in return. (Luke 6.36-38)
Here Jesus takes us past our predilection for judging into the proper response to the actions of others: mercy and pardon. This ought to be the result of my judging tendencies. Thus, when I am tempted to judge another, I ought to reflect, consider, and pardon. Mercy is the standard by which I hope to be judged – mercy is the standard by which I must judge others.
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Thursday, May 27, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
On Hardships, Complaints, and the Counting of Blessings…
It has long seemed to me to be true that those with the least to complain about, do the most complaining. Conversely, those with the most to complain about, do the least. There seems to be an inverse relationship between complaining and hardships (at least from my observations).
My Granny was a very incredible woman, in so many ways. From the limited amount of knowledge I have of her life, I can easily say that I don’t know anyone who had the trials and hardships that she had. She was old enough to have experienced the unmentionable abuses of the kind which were all too common to Native children in residential schools, she dealt with depression, mental illness, and lived on or below the poverty line for the great majority of her life. As she aged, she suffered through various health issues and pains of the kind that a young person such as myself has no knowledge of. Having said all this, there are two things about her that I recall most strongly, two things that have left a deep impression on me since her passing: she had a deep faith in God and I never once heard her complain. I remember years ago, back when I was a young lad, she would ride a bus for hours to come out and visit with us. I can vividly recall her arriving all bundled up in her coats and her bags. She would come in and take a seat after the long trip; but it wasn’t long before she would be up again and helping around the house or the yard. She was a hard-working woman. It still amazes me that I never once heard her complain.
I hear people almost every day complaining about the various ‘hardships’ in their life: “I’m so busy and now, on top of everything, so-and-so expects me to come and help out with such-and-such” or “I can’t believe how much they expect me to pay for such-and-such” or “and now I have to spend my Saturday taking care of such-and-such, when I could be out doing something else”. I hear so much complaining – customers in line-ups, people waiting at the bus stop, just about everywhere I go. I’m not saying that the people I hear don’t have hardships in their life – how can I make such an assertion when I don’t know them – but the things I hear being complained about so often seem so trivial. Man, if these are the most trying things in your life… relax.
Much of what I hear I would call grumbling. For me grumbling tends to carry a connotation of thanklessness or ingratitude. It’s complaining that seems to carry a tacit ‘meta-complaint’. It’s complaining that silently states, “my life is hard, maybe even unduly difficult… at times definitely unfair”.
But, you might ask, is there not a proper place for acknowledging hardships and difficulties? Yes, there definitely is. By no means am I suggesting that we ought to travel our days with plastered smiles and false claims of pristine, worry-free lives (though some people do). What I am trying to get at here is the attitude with which we address the difficulties in our lives. Moreover, I am trying to address the way in which we understand the context for these difficulties.
A few weeks back it was the anniversary of my mother-in-law’s passing. I never met Greta, but I have been blessed to learn of her through the stories and reminiscings of my dear wife. From what I have heard, I know that she made a lasting impression on my wife through the manner and attitude with which she lived out her years with cancer. She was not one to begrudge or grumble her condition. The manner of someone’s passing is often a great testament to the way one understands his/her life. From what my wife tells me of Greta’s passing, she was not one to grumble about the condition in which she found herself towards the end; instead she was one who lived with gratitude for the life she had been given. Thankfulness was her chosen attitude and response rather than complaint.
I remember hearing about a certain monk (I cannot seem to remember who, but that is not important) who had written about gratitude. He lived in a monastery with other monks - likely very close quarters. He was quoted as having said that he does not desire to cross paths with anyone who had not thought of two blessings in their life, two things for which they were thankful, before rising from bed each morning. I imagine in such a context, such close quarters, the difference between a person who lived with gratitude and one who did not could likely be very evident.
When I think of those whom I have known who lived without complaint, who were thankful for what they had and what they had been given, I am inspired to follow their example. When I think about all that I have been given - about this great life I have, about the many caring and loving individuals who fill it and give it meaning – I can rightly do none else but give thanks. I can do none else but strive to live a life of gratitude for the many blessings that the Lord has given me. When I hear someone complaining about a trivial matter, or grumbling about how unfair it all is, I ought not be moved to judge him/her – I don’t know his/her circumstances and it’s not my place to judge. Instead, whenever I hear grumbling (especially if it is coming from my own mouth) I ought to consider two blessings for which I am thankful…
…only two? Really, I should have no problem thinking of only two.
My Granny was a very incredible woman, in so many ways. From the limited amount of knowledge I have of her life, I can easily say that I don’t know anyone who had the trials and hardships that she had. She was old enough to have experienced the unmentionable abuses of the kind which were all too common to Native children in residential schools, she dealt with depression, mental illness, and lived on or below the poverty line for the great majority of her life. As she aged, she suffered through various health issues and pains of the kind that a young person such as myself has no knowledge of. Having said all this, there are two things about her that I recall most strongly, two things that have left a deep impression on me since her passing: she had a deep faith in God and I never once heard her complain. I remember years ago, back when I was a young lad, she would ride a bus for hours to come out and visit with us. I can vividly recall her arriving all bundled up in her coats and her bags. She would come in and take a seat after the long trip; but it wasn’t long before she would be up again and helping around the house or the yard. She was a hard-working woman. It still amazes me that I never once heard her complain.
I hear people almost every day complaining about the various ‘hardships’ in their life: “I’m so busy and now, on top of everything, so-and-so expects me to come and help out with such-and-such” or “I can’t believe how much they expect me to pay for such-and-such” or “and now I have to spend my Saturday taking care of such-and-such, when I could be out doing something else”. I hear so much complaining – customers in line-ups, people waiting at the bus stop, just about everywhere I go. I’m not saying that the people I hear don’t have hardships in their life – how can I make such an assertion when I don’t know them – but the things I hear being complained about so often seem so trivial. Man, if these are the most trying things in your life… relax.
Much of what I hear I would call grumbling. For me grumbling tends to carry a connotation of thanklessness or ingratitude. It’s complaining that seems to carry a tacit ‘meta-complaint’. It’s complaining that silently states, “my life is hard, maybe even unduly difficult… at times definitely unfair”.
But, you might ask, is there not a proper place for acknowledging hardships and difficulties? Yes, there definitely is. By no means am I suggesting that we ought to travel our days with plastered smiles and false claims of pristine, worry-free lives (though some people do). What I am trying to get at here is the attitude with which we address the difficulties in our lives. Moreover, I am trying to address the way in which we understand the context for these difficulties.
A few weeks back it was the anniversary of my mother-in-law’s passing. I never met Greta, but I have been blessed to learn of her through the stories and reminiscings of my dear wife. From what I have heard, I know that she made a lasting impression on my wife through the manner and attitude with which she lived out her years with cancer. She was not one to begrudge or grumble her condition. The manner of someone’s passing is often a great testament to the way one understands his/her life. From what my wife tells me of Greta’s passing, she was not one to grumble about the condition in which she found herself towards the end; instead she was one who lived with gratitude for the life she had been given. Thankfulness was her chosen attitude and response rather than complaint.
I remember hearing about a certain monk (I cannot seem to remember who, but that is not important) who had written about gratitude. He lived in a monastery with other monks - likely very close quarters. He was quoted as having said that he does not desire to cross paths with anyone who had not thought of two blessings in their life, two things for which they were thankful, before rising from bed each morning. I imagine in such a context, such close quarters, the difference between a person who lived with gratitude and one who did not could likely be very evident.
When I think of those whom I have known who lived without complaint, who were thankful for what they had and what they had been given, I am inspired to follow their example. When I think about all that I have been given - about this great life I have, about the many caring and loving individuals who fill it and give it meaning – I can rightly do none else but give thanks. I can do none else but strive to live a life of gratitude for the many blessings that the Lord has given me. When I hear someone complaining about a trivial matter, or grumbling about how unfair it all is, I ought not be moved to judge him/her – I don’t know his/her circumstances and it’s not my place to judge. Instead, whenever I hear grumbling (especially if it is coming from my own mouth) I ought to consider two blessings for which I am thankful…
…only two? Really, I should have no problem thinking of only two.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Living, Growing, and ‘Coming in to your own’…
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A wise man, who had just entered the retired life, recently told me, “You know, I could have spent my life just talking with people, listening to their stories – everyone has a story”. He is correct: everyone does has a story.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about the various stories that I come in contact with, those of friends and family, those of well-known and influential persons, those of historical persons having long passed from this world, even those of fictional characters who never existed – so many stories. More specifically, I have been musing about a certain plot turn that seems fairly common to many of the stories: growth.
I remember discussing a mutual friend with my wife. I was telling her how cool I thought this person was and how this person impressed me with her character, ability to engage different ideas, and apparent level of acceptance of, and comfortability with, herself. My wife informed me that it was living abroad for a period of time that had wrought such change and growth in this person. I think this can be a fairly common experience for some people. There is something about the chance to stretch one’s wings and explore new vistas that allows for growth and change. Often these people come back changed, yet somehow ‘more themselves’ than they were before. It’s an amazing thing to behold, to see someone coming into their own.
Some people experience such a positive change without the change of location. I remember the way the arrival of my dear little niece hastened an incredible growth and maturation in my older brother. It seemed, at least to my eyes, as though overnight this new man appeared. Suddenly I had this role model for manhood and (eventually) fatherhood. It still makes me shake my head and marvel.
This little plot turn in people’s stories can also take place in a different, less dramatic or sudden way. I’ve watched my little sister mature and grow over the past several years. I couldn’t discern a particular moment or event that had inaugurated this change. I suppose it is the ‘natural’ maturation process at work (although in many people this process doesn’t seem to ‘naturally’ happen). Many people grow right before our eyes: day by day they gain increasing confidence and comfortability in themselves. It is not until years have passed and we reflect back that we realize a change has even taken place.
As I consider the many stories, and the many plot turns, I wonder how this particular player (i.e. me) can positively affect the stories that he plays so minor a role in. Indeed, how can I go about encouraging and supporting this kind of growth in those around me. How can I aid in the complex process of shedding the fears that hold back growth and discarding the masks that people hide behind? How can I nurture and promote people ‘coming into their own’, gaining confidence and comfortability in themselves? Hmmm...
These qualities and characteristics are already there in all of us, nascent, awaiting the time when they can rise to the surface and shine. It really is an incredible thing to behold.
Gloria Deo!
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A wise man, who had just entered the retired life, recently told me, “You know, I could have spent my life just talking with people, listening to their stories – everyone has a story”. He is correct: everyone does has a story.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about the various stories that I come in contact with, those of friends and family, those of well-known and influential persons, those of historical persons having long passed from this world, even those of fictional characters who never existed – so many stories. More specifically, I have been musing about a certain plot turn that seems fairly common to many of the stories: growth.
I remember discussing a mutual friend with my wife. I was telling her how cool I thought this person was and how this person impressed me with her character, ability to engage different ideas, and apparent level of acceptance of, and comfortability with, herself. My wife informed me that it was living abroad for a period of time that had wrought such change and growth in this person. I think this can be a fairly common experience for some people. There is something about the chance to stretch one’s wings and explore new vistas that allows for growth and change. Often these people come back changed, yet somehow ‘more themselves’ than they were before. It’s an amazing thing to behold, to see someone coming into their own.
Some people experience such a positive change without the change of location. I remember the way the arrival of my dear little niece hastened an incredible growth and maturation in my older brother. It seemed, at least to my eyes, as though overnight this new man appeared. Suddenly I had this role model for manhood and (eventually) fatherhood. It still makes me shake my head and marvel.
This little plot turn in people’s stories can also take place in a different, less dramatic or sudden way. I’ve watched my little sister mature and grow over the past several years. I couldn’t discern a particular moment or event that had inaugurated this change. I suppose it is the ‘natural’ maturation process at work (although in many people this process doesn’t seem to ‘naturally’ happen). Many people grow right before our eyes: day by day they gain increasing confidence and comfortability in themselves. It is not until years have passed and we reflect back that we realize a change has even taken place.
As I consider the many stories, and the many plot turns, I wonder how this particular player (i.e. me) can positively affect the stories that he plays so minor a role in. Indeed, how can I go about encouraging and supporting this kind of growth in those around me. How can I aid in the complex process of shedding the fears that hold back growth and discarding the masks that people hide behind? How can I nurture and promote people ‘coming into their own’, gaining confidence and comfortability in themselves? Hmmm...
These qualities and characteristics are already there in all of us, nascent, awaiting the time when they can rise to the surface and shine. It really is an incredible thing to behold.
Gloria Deo!
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Monday, May 10, 2010
Life and Expectations: volcanoes and the plans we make...
I was recently listening to a fellow on the radio discussing the disturbances to air traffic and travel plans which have been caused by the ash from Iceland’s volcano, Eyjafjallajökull. It got me to thinking about the way that we (myself and those whom I’ve observed/heard) view such events. By ‘such events’ I don’t mean the eruptions of volcanoes; instead, I mean changes to the plan.
I’ve been following (off and on) the situation in Europe and the widespread effects this volcano has had. And it occurred to me while listening to the reports that we, those of us in the western world especially, often fall into the trap of thinking that life goes according to plan. With all the freedoms we enjoy (not to mention our luxurious way of life), it almost seems natural that we can have things our way. Then, from time to time, something comes along and points out that we don’t have control over what life brings our way and we think it an anomaly. Really, though, we ought to recognize something intrinsic to life: the unexpected. This could be referred to this as a ‘lack of control’ over life.
It seems to me that central to this discussion is the idea of proper expectations. What expectations, often tacit ones, do we have regarding life? If I expect to have control over life, I will likely be disappointed at some point. The reality is that life is inherently uncontrollable. Hence, it is also unpredictable. Our plans at some point or other will be forced to change: it’s inevitable.
Some might see this as a negative view of life, as depressing or fatalistic – I don’t. First of all, we still have the choice to be in full control of our own actions. I find this a liberating thought: I cannot control what is brought my way; but I can choose how I will live and act and respond to what life brings my way. Second, hard times will come our way – there will be unexpected hardships which I won’t try to minimize – but good times and great serendipitous surprises will also come. Most of the things and people in my life that I love and value (those who bring meaning to my existence) were not planned. My wife and Dutch-in-laws are nothing like I would have imagined, but I wouldn’t trade them for the world. I could not have conceived of the many strange and beautiful characters who comprise the groups of friends I have.
Life would not be life without the unexpected. My approach tends to be along the lines of embracing the unexpected. There are forced changes to plans that are, if we’re honest, nothing more than an inconvenience. And really, convenience is highly over-rated. Such surprises are best viewed as an opportunity to embrace life and have some fun. There are also other, more life-altering surprises. These are to be accepted and dealt with as best able. There is a perspective that we tend to lack: our vision is often very short-sighted. Even at my tender age of three decades, I can look back on changes to my life with a much better perspective of past events than I had at the time they were happening. The truth is that you never know what life will bring.
What, then, ought we to expect in life? The unexpected I guess. When our plans shift, change, or fall apart, it’s all a part of this journey we call life. We still ought to make plans, but always with the awareness that all plans are ultimately tentative.
I’ve been following (off and on) the situation in Europe and the widespread effects this volcano has had. And it occurred to me while listening to the reports that we, those of us in the western world especially, often fall into the trap of thinking that life goes according to plan. With all the freedoms we enjoy (not to mention our luxurious way of life), it almost seems natural that we can have things our way. Then, from time to time, something comes along and points out that we don’t have control over what life brings our way and we think it an anomaly. Really, though, we ought to recognize something intrinsic to life: the unexpected. This could be referred to this as a ‘lack of control’ over life.
It seems to me that central to this discussion is the idea of proper expectations. What expectations, often tacit ones, do we have regarding life? If I expect to have control over life, I will likely be disappointed at some point. The reality is that life is inherently uncontrollable. Hence, it is also unpredictable. Our plans at some point or other will be forced to change: it’s inevitable.
Some might see this as a negative view of life, as depressing or fatalistic – I don’t. First of all, we still have the choice to be in full control of our own actions. I find this a liberating thought: I cannot control what is brought my way; but I can choose how I will live and act and respond to what life brings my way. Second, hard times will come our way – there will be unexpected hardships which I won’t try to minimize – but good times and great serendipitous surprises will also come. Most of the things and people in my life that I love and value (those who bring meaning to my existence) were not planned. My wife and Dutch-in-laws are nothing like I would have imagined, but I wouldn’t trade them for the world. I could not have conceived of the many strange and beautiful characters who comprise the groups of friends I have.
Life would not be life without the unexpected. My approach tends to be along the lines of embracing the unexpected. There are forced changes to plans that are, if we’re honest, nothing more than an inconvenience. And really, convenience is highly over-rated. Such surprises are best viewed as an opportunity to embrace life and have some fun. There are also other, more life-altering surprises. These are to be accepted and dealt with as best able. There is a perspective that we tend to lack: our vision is often very short-sighted. Even at my tender age of three decades, I can look back on changes to my life with a much better perspective of past events than I had at the time they were happening. The truth is that you never know what life will bring.
What, then, ought we to expect in life? The unexpected I guess. When our plans shift, change, or fall apart, it’s all a part of this journey we call life. We still ought to make plans, but always with the awareness that all plans are ultimately tentative.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Understanding Gravitas: thoughts on growing-up...
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I recently heard an acquaintance of mine boldly state, "I'm never going to grow up". This is by no means a rare statement to hear. I've heard many people I know make this statement with equal boldness. Almost every time I hear it I think to myself, "Really? You don't want to grow up... ever?". I can understand wishing to delay the responsibilities of adulthood and enjoy the lightheartedness of youth for just 'a little while longer'; this makes sense to me (or at least it made sense to me when I was just such a youth). But never wanting to grow up... this doesn't make much sense to me.
I recently came across a word in my Latin studies that helps clarify the issue: gravitas. The simplest translational gloss for gravitas is 'weight'. This is where we English speakers get our word, 'gravity'. But, as anyone who studies language, especially the translation of language, understands, word definitions are never quite that simple. Bear with me here...
Gravitas, in a negative sense, can denote heaviness, slowness, or severity. With respect to the human body, it can carry the sense of (again) heaviness and severity, but also oppressiveness, dullness, burden, or sickness.
Gravitas, in a positive sense, can denote gravity/importance, seriousness, and dignity. When understood in the context of the human life cycle, gravitas can be understood the age of 'maturity' (that stage of adulthood between adolescence/youth and old age).
It seems to me that when people are discussing this idea of 'growing up', they likely have one of the two senses of gravitas in mind. What I mean by this is that when one states, "I'll never grow up", they likely mean something along the lines of, "I have no desire to grow old, dull, and burdened". Conversely, when I state (with equal boldness) that my desire is to be a grown up, I reference the positive sense of gravitas and affirm my desire to fully participate in that part of the human life cycle which denotes maturity, gravity, and dignity.
Do I wish to be grown up? Yes, certainly. For it is only in the maturity of adulthood that I am able to enjoy what life has for me. When I was a child my concerns were of a different nature, my pleasures were of a different nature. Childhood is a natural and good stage of life: the world is new and exciting, it is a carefree and magical time (or at least it ought to be). It is fun. But it cannot last. To wish to be a child forever is to deny what is an essential part of childhood: growth. Sorry Peter, there's a reason they call it never-land.
What about adolescence/youth? Would you not wish to remain in that stage if you could...? No, most certainly not! Yes, I had fun (perhaps a little too much at times), but it is not meant to last. Think about it... what are some of the best aspects of adolescence? Hmmm... essentially the discoveries of adult life: increased freedoms, the ability to work and earn money, discovering the other sex. What made adolescence of any value was precisely the gradual taking on of adult responsibilities (and the benefits that accompany them). But none of these benefits find their completion in this stage. Only in adulthood, i.e. in the acquisition of maturity and responsibility, can we find any sense of completion or wholeness in all these pleasures of life. Only in a monogamous life-long bond (a.k.a. marriage) can I find fulfillment in 'knowing' the other sex. Only in building a life and learning to responsibly manage and share what I've earned can I find any fulfillment in work and pay. Only in learning the proper boundaries of my freedom can I fully enjoy and prosper in that freedom. To be stuck in adolescence/youth is to be trapped with the goal in view while never quite reaching it.
Many have the view that 'growing up' necessarily entails giving up the best of what came before: fun, freedom, wonder. I don't think that it necessitates such a sacrifice. It seems to me that the loss of these is a different issue than that of growing up. Let's not confuse the two.
My point, in all of this, is that the full embrace of life requires that one also embrace the gravitas which it brings. I argue that how one chooses to understand this gravitas (whether or not they embrace the maturity of adulthood and all that comes with it) will dictate the extent to which they are able to embrace life.
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I recently heard an acquaintance of mine boldly state, "I'm never going to grow up". This is by no means a rare statement to hear. I've heard many people I know make this statement with equal boldness. Almost every time I hear it I think to myself, "Really? You don't want to grow up... ever?". I can understand wishing to delay the responsibilities of adulthood and enjoy the lightheartedness of youth for just 'a little while longer'; this makes sense to me (or at least it made sense to me when I was just such a youth). But never wanting to grow up... this doesn't make much sense to me.
I recently came across a word in my Latin studies that helps clarify the issue: gravitas. The simplest translational gloss for gravitas is 'weight'. This is where we English speakers get our word, 'gravity'. But, as anyone who studies language, especially the translation of language, understands, word definitions are never quite that simple. Bear with me here...
Gravitas, in a negative sense, can denote heaviness, slowness, or severity. With respect to the human body, it can carry the sense of (again) heaviness and severity, but also oppressiveness, dullness, burden, or sickness.
Gravitas, in a positive sense, can denote gravity/importance, seriousness, and dignity. When understood in the context of the human life cycle, gravitas can be understood the age of 'maturity' (that stage of adulthood between adolescence/youth and old age).
It seems to me that when people are discussing this idea of 'growing up', they likely have one of the two senses of gravitas in mind. What I mean by this is that when one states, "I'll never grow up", they likely mean something along the lines of, "I have no desire to grow old, dull, and burdened". Conversely, when I state (with equal boldness) that my desire is to be a grown up, I reference the positive sense of gravitas and affirm my desire to fully participate in that part of the human life cycle which denotes maturity, gravity, and dignity.
Do I wish to be grown up? Yes, certainly. For it is only in the maturity of adulthood that I am able to enjoy what life has for me. When I was a child my concerns were of a different nature, my pleasures were of a different nature. Childhood is a natural and good stage of life: the world is new and exciting, it is a carefree and magical time (or at least it ought to be). It is fun. But it cannot last. To wish to be a child forever is to deny what is an essential part of childhood: growth. Sorry Peter, there's a reason they call it never-land.
What about adolescence/youth? Would you not wish to remain in that stage if you could...? No, most certainly not! Yes, I had fun (perhaps a little too much at times), but it is not meant to last. Think about it... what are some of the best aspects of adolescence? Hmmm... essentially the discoveries of adult life: increased freedoms, the ability to work and earn money, discovering the other sex. What made adolescence of any value was precisely the gradual taking on of adult responsibilities (and the benefits that accompany them). But none of these benefits find their completion in this stage. Only in adulthood, i.e. in the acquisition of maturity and responsibility, can we find any sense of completion or wholeness in all these pleasures of life. Only in a monogamous life-long bond (a.k.a. marriage) can I find fulfillment in 'knowing' the other sex. Only in building a life and learning to responsibly manage and share what I've earned can I find any fulfillment in work and pay. Only in learning the proper boundaries of my freedom can I fully enjoy and prosper in that freedom. To be stuck in adolescence/youth is to be trapped with the goal in view while never quite reaching it.
Many have the view that 'growing up' necessarily entails giving up the best of what came before: fun, freedom, wonder. I don't think that it necessitates such a sacrifice. It seems to me that the loss of these is a different issue than that of growing up. Let's not confuse the two.
My point, in all of this, is that the full embrace of life requires that one also embrace the gravitas which it brings. I argue that how one chooses to understand this gravitas (whether or not they embrace the maturity of adulthood and all that comes with it) will dictate the extent to which they are able to embrace life.
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