It has long seemed to me to be true that those with the least to complain about, do the most complaining. Conversely, those with the most to complain about, do the least. There seems to be an inverse relationship between complaining and hardships (at least from my observations).
My Granny was a very incredible woman, in so many ways. From the limited amount of knowledge I have of her life, I can easily say that I don’t know anyone who had the trials and hardships that she had. She was old enough to have experienced the unmentionable abuses of the kind which were all too common to Native children in residential schools, she dealt with depression, mental illness, and lived on or below the poverty line for the great majority of her life. As she aged, she suffered through various health issues and pains of the kind that a young person such as myself has no knowledge of. Having said all this, there are two things about her that I recall most strongly, two things that have left a deep impression on me since her passing: she had a deep faith in God and I never once heard her complain. I remember years ago, back when I was a young lad, she would ride a bus for hours to come out and visit with us. I can vividly recall her arriving all bundled up in her coats and her bags. She would come in and take a seat after the long trip; but it wasn’t long before she would be up again and helping around the house or the yard. She was a hard-working woman. It still amazes me that I never once heard her complain.
I hear people almost every day complaining about the various ‘hardships’ in their life: “I’m so busy and now, on top of everything, so-and-so expects me to come and help out with such-and-such” or “I can’t believe how much they expect me to pay for such-and-such” or “and now I have to spend my Saturday taking care of such-and-such, when I could be out doing something else”. I hear so much complaining – customers in line-ups, people waiting at the bus stop, just about everywhere I go. I’m not saying that the people I hear don’t have hardships in their life – how can I make such an assertion when I don’t know them – but the things I hear being complained about so often seem so trivial. Man, if these are the most trying things in your life… relax.
Much of what I hear I would call grumbling. For me grumbling tends to carry a connotation of thanklessness or ingratitude. It’s complaining that seems to carry a tacit ‘meta-complaint’. It’s complaining that silently states, “my life is hard, maybe even unduly difficult… at times definitely unfair”.
But, you might ask, is there not a proper place for acknowledging hardships and difficulties? Yes, there definitely is. By no means am I suggesting that we ought to travel our days with plastered smiles and false claims of pristine, worry-free lives (though some people do). What I am trying to get at here is the attitude with which we address the difficulties in our lives. Moreover, I am trying to address the way in which we understand the context for these difficulties.
A few weeks back it was the anniversary of my mother-in-law’s passing. I never met Greta, but I have been blessed to learn of her through the stories and reminiscings of my dear wife. From what I have heard, I know that she made a lasting impression on my wife through the manner and attitude with which she lived out her years with cancer. She was not one to begrudge or grumble her condition. The manner of someone’s passing is often a great testament to the way one understands his/her life. From what my wife tells me of Greta’s passing, she was not one to grumble about the condition in which she found herself towards the end; instead she was one who lived with gratitude for the life she had been given. Thankfulness was her chosen attitude and response rather than complaint.
I remember hearing about a certain monk (I cannot seem to remember who, but that is not important) who had written about gratitude. He lived in a monastery with other monks - likely very close quarters. He was quoted as having said that he does not desire to cross paths with anyone who had not thought of two blessings in their life, two things for which they were thankful, before rising from bed each morning. I imagine in such a context, such close quarters, the difference between a person who lived with gratitude and one who did not could likely be very evident.
When I think of those whom I have known who lived without complaint, who were thankful for what they had and what they had been given, I am inspired to follow their example. When I think about all that I have been given - about this great life I have, about the many caring and loving individuals who fill it and give it meaning – I can rightly do none else but give thanks. I can do none else but strive to live a life of gratitude for the many blessings that the Lord has given me. When I hear someone complaining about a trivial matter, or grumbling about how unfair it all is, I ought not be moved to judge him/her – I don’t know his/her circumstances and it’s not my place to judge. Instead, whenever I hear grumbling (especially if it is coming from my own mouth) I ought to consider two blessings for which I am thankful…
…only two? Really, I should have no problem thinking of only two.
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